Let’s talk about a major issue when it comes to families and holidays. It’s always nice to think about the holiday season and imagine a warm home filled with joy and laughter, but that is not the case for many families.
Many teens and young children don’t get to experience a jolly season for many reasons, the biggest one being a “broken” or separated family.
Why do families get separated?
There are many reasons why a family can get separated and here are a few:
- Divorces- this is the most common reason for families to not be together
- Borders- some family members either immigrate or migrate to other places
- Foster kids- there are children who get put in adoption, but don’t get the luck of getting adopted quickly
- Arguments- there comes times when families disagree on many things and ‘kick out’ other family members
How does this affect us mentally?
It usually begins with the younger ones and spreads to the adults. But when there is an absence of a parental figure, kids can become confused. Especially if it’s a divorce, and the tension from heated arguments are present, it can lead to more negativity in the family’s mental health.
Things like fights or confrontation to certain situations can create depression and anxiety. Chronic stress is another big factor that comes into play when a family separates. In fact, ‘Children can become less flexible, open, and adaptable to the world around them.’
On the flip side, something to look at are whether there are the benefits to a separated situation. Sometimes that is true – especially with a toxic family. If there was abuse on either end, separation can actually help mental health, but that’s most likely not the case. Yet, that doesn’t mean that emotionally it feels much better at the holidays.
How to cope with mental health during the holidays
A few tips for good holiday mental health are the following:
- Create new traditions. We need to accept the fact that things won’t be the same as when we were 4 years old. It can be sad, but it can also be turned into something good and fun. For example, maybe the family would gather and share what they are thankful for around the dinner table. This time you can write a letter to someone special (family or not) about how thankful you are for that person.
- Accept your emotions. It is OKAY to not be okay. We are all human and it happens to the best of us.
- Forgiveness. I realize this is a difficult thing to do, but keeping grudges will only make you feel worse. This doesn’t mean you have to go back to how things were, just move on without grudges!
- Set emotional boundaries. Holidays are meant to be uplifting and positive, so try keeping out the bashing of someone. Ask your close ones to help you set these boundaries.
- Be present. Instead of hiding away in the corner of your room, go out and do things for YOU. Read a book, decorate your house or make some fun cookies if you’re up for it!
- Get help. If you feel like nothing is working, let a friend or a family member know. Either way, Peek Counseling is here for you!
Don’t let these times get you down. This time of year is meant to make you feel joyful and thankful. I know life can get rough, but we only have one and we have to make it count.
Peek Counseling wants to wish you peace and joy this holiday season, and of course an invitation to work with me. My door is always open. For any questions just click here!
Links & Further Reading:
http://kayentatherapy.com/tips-for-surviving-the-holidays-when-newly-separated/
https://www.dmgcrs.org/involuntary-separation/
https://www.childrens.com/health-wellness/new-normal-holiday-after-separation
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2817798/
https://www.adventhealth.com/blog/7-ways-brighten-your-spirits-during-socially-distant-holidays