When parents get divorced many children, teens, and even adult children, go though many running thoughts of what they did wrong.

“If only I ate all of my vegetables, If only I went to bed on time, If only I was home on time, if only I did not have a smart mouth, if I only made the varsity team, if I only had better grades, if only my kids saw their grandparents more (etc…..), then maybe my parents wouldn’t fight so much and wouldn’t get a divorce.”

Other thoughts that come into kids’ minds are: “Do they love me, will they love me the same, and do I have to love one parent more than the other, what if I do love one parent more than the other?” Along with these thoughts come feelings and behaviors. Feelings of worry, anxiety, depression, anger, bitterness, grieving, and many more are often felt during times like these. Some children (again of all ages) may experience behavior changes, they may shut down, isolate themselves, engage in self-harming behaviors, and internalize their thoughts and feelings. Others, may have outward behaviors, such as, becoming very angry and aggressive, ditching school, using drugs or alcohol, getting into legal trouble.

I know this may all seem overwhelming and scary and parents may not know what to do or who to turn to.  I can tell you that there is support out there for you and your children, including individual, family, and group support. Support is available from how to tell your kids (no matter how old or young they are), how to help them process through their thoughts and feelings to hopefully help them chose better coping skills, signs to look for that they are not doing ok, and how to support your kids and grandkids. Second Saturday’s Front Range Divorce Center is a great support and resource for individuals, both men and women, and their children. You can pick and choose what time and location works best for you.

“Front Range Divorce Center is a multi-disciplinary non-profit organization working to empower individuals before, during, and after divorce. We provide Hope, Encouragement and Community to individuals no matter where they are in the process of untying the knot. Front Range Divorce Center offers educational support services through informational workshops and financial education for pre and post-divorce for adults, teens, and children experiencing separation or divorce. The non-profit volunteers include attorneys, mental health experts, mediators, and certified divorce financial analysts who are licensed professionals with decades of experience, ” according to the Front Range Divorce Center informational website. 

So, how do you tell your kids, “It’s not your fault we are getting a divorce?” There are many great books for all ages to help you though this process, however, I would recommend talking to someone face to face to help support you and your family at this difficult time. We are here to help you and provide guidance, hope and assistance. 

And, if you want to test the waters and try out counseling for yourself or your family, I often see families and children (child, teen and adult) going through the effects of divorce. I’ve made it really easy to schedule an appointment. Simply click here to arrange a discreet day and time for a complimentary call or visit to see if we might be a good fit for each other. You can also call me any time at 303.489.9579 or send me a message on my contact page here. I look forward to hearing from you, and know that my door is always open to you.

Warmly,

Katie Bisbee-Peek, MA, NCC, LPC