Have you been increasingly frustrated with your family being on their phones constantly? It’s a modern day problem for many families these days. Teens especially love to be connected with their peers through social media and often feel a sense of urgency to reply back right away. In your head as a parent, you want to know how to get your teen to put their phone down, but all previous attempts have resulted in total meltdowns. Let’s try something different!
The Current Cell Phone Situation
Picture this: It’s dinner time, ready to go to school time, after school time, pick your time…and you’re trying to talk to your teen or ask them to do something. “Just a second Mom!” they say, as you start to turn red in the face and contemplate eating your child alive for dinner (just kidding!). But, you’re not happy. And, in your mind, whatever the heck it is your teen is doing on your phone means nothing. That’s the first piece of this puzzle. To them, whatever they are doing means everything. So, let’s find the common ground. First, let’s discuss what you may have tried before.
What You’ve Tried in the Past with Your Teen
Okay, so in the past, let’s go over a few reactionary techniques that many parents, maybe even you, have tried before. Of course, one of the quickest responses from parents is to constantly nag about their teen’s cell phone usage. All you’ll do with this behavior is annoy your child, yourself, and get frustrated over and over again,
Other times, your gut might tell you to yank the dang thing out of their hands. Don’t do that. Taking something out of anyone’s hands will upset them. Your body and your personal autonomy are important, You will instantly lose respect from your child if you do this. Your further efforts will likely be resisted because of this action. Just don’t.
Perhaps you have grounded your child from their phone. This could work, except that we all need our phones in this day of age. And, arguably, teens might need them the most, just in case they needed you for an emergency. Plus, during these teen years, social acceptance is very important. Taking away their phone and contact with their friends could cause them to experience social blunders or miss out on a group activity which could hurt their self-esteem and start a spiral.
Things to Try Differently
You might be asking yourself: “Well then what am I supposed to do?” I always recommend respectful boundaries. And, you must hold to them yourself. One of the most confusing things about growing up can be inconsistency. For example, do you text at the dinner table? Are you making calls when your teen wants to talk to you, leaving yourself emotionally unavailable to them? Check yourself in order to lead your family.
Next, create “cell phone free” zones. Perhaps that is before school, breakfast and dinner. Or, maybe it’s immediately after school or 2 hours before bedtime. Have a family meeting on this. Whatever works for your family, make it your family rule. Then, have a cell phone basket and put everyone’s phones, not just your teen’s, in the basket during those times. By involving everyone in the meeting and agreeing to reasonable “cell phone free” zones during the day, you might be surprised to see how the family adapts. Knowing ahead of time when they can use their phones can be a relief to your kids verses arbitrarily taking it away when you’ve had enough.
Conclusion
Do you think these tools would work for your family? Let me know why or why not. As new technology keeps coming to our lives, we need to figure out ways to maintain our family bonds while staying connected with the world. It’s not easy, but maintaining mindful connections and cellular connections with balance is great for yourself and your family if you can figure out a way that works for you!