Walking the hallways. It should be a simple activity.
After all, you’re just getting from point A to point B. No big deal. Except for many teens it is.
Hallways, and school in general, can produce more than a little bit of anxiety for many teens. Both the cruelty of others and our own insecurities can magnify themselves in such an environment. For some teens, every glance in their direction is perceived as negative. “Do I have something on my clothes?” “Are they looking at my acne?” “Is there a rumor going around about me?” In most cases people are too busy worrying about themselves to give your own little flaws a second thought. Look at others. Do you notice every little thing wrong about them? Even if you do, do those things necessarily make you not want to not befriend or talk to them?
Walking the high school hallways can bring out our insecurities for sure.
If you’re afraid everyone’s analyzing you, you can (with support!) learn to be confident in yourself. Most people actually aren’t judging you, and if they are, with practice, you can learn how to not let it even affect you one bit. Unfortunately many children, teens and even adults can be catty or petty and play games with one another.
You might have experienced it before. Friends making it seem as though they like you and that you’re a part of their group and then ignoring you the next day, making you feel dumb for thinking that you’re a part of their clique. It only takes one bad experience to leave a lasting impact and causing you to become insecure and feeling as though others are taking advantage of you. In addition to the pain that the actual experience of being hurt can cause, the bad memories can also cause us to become overly cynical or assume that others aren’t being sincere.
Learning to trust others and feel good inside is hard! Some tips:
If someone hurt you in the past, now you might find that when others are truly trying to befriend you or be polite, you assume they really don’t mean it. First of all, it’s important to realize that many times people don’t have ill intent.
Perhaps you waved to someone or said hello and they didn’t wave back. Our own insecurities can make us quickly come up with reasons as to why they did so. “They’re ignoring me.” “They wouldn’t want to associate with someone like me.” In reality, sometimes they might have just not noticed you. Perhaps you said something and they didn’t understand until you walked away. It’s important to not overthink these kinds of things. If you think someone you consider a friend/ acquaintance was being rude to you, talk it over. You may find it was a simple misunderstanding.
Unfortunately, however, sometimes people truly are being intentionally mean or two-faced. In these cases it’s important to have self respect. If others don’t want to include you in their group learn to realize that it’s not your fault. Don’t feel as though you have to beg and plead for their approval. Let it go. While you don’t need to be a doormat, smiling and treating those who have mistrusted you with kindness demonstrates a great deal of maturity and will help you to become confident in yourself. You can do it!!! – Katie
About the Author
Katie Bisbee-Peek is a teen counselor and founder of Peek Counseling. It’s a safe place for teens to express their feelings and learn coping skills for high school and at home. Katie has first hand experience in the transformative power of empowerment counseling for teens. Teens respond best when matched with a counselor that gets them! Families can come back together with support. My door is always open!