When someone calls us out on our BS what is the first immediate reaction? Anger, range, becoming defensive, and proving that you’re right and they are wrong. After working through these first reactions, maybe the next feeling that comes up is realizing that your BS is real, it is happening, it may be impacting relationships, and holy s*** , maybe it’s time to face it, lean into the vulnerability and change it.
What is Vulnerability? (And My Own BS)
Vulnerability is the quality or state of being exposed. According to one of my favorites Brene Brown, vulnerability is “basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” Just recently, I had to dig deep, find my own courage and say “I own my mistake, and I am sorry.”
I’ll let you in on a little secret. When I was a teenager, into my college years and at times even now, I can come across as harsh and judgmental. I recently found out that due to this negative behavior, I had created a space where some of my family members didn’t feel comfortable telling me things. My first response, yes, was defensive and trying to prove that I am changing, and I am not the same person as I was at age 15, or 17, or even 20. After I realized that was not going well, I took some deep breaths and owned it, stating: “I am sorry, I will continue to work on it.” So, I got called out on my own BS, even though it felt terrible, and yes, I started to spiral down with my own internal negative thoughts, in the end, I look at is as growth, repairing a relationships while at the same time, strengthening it.
How to Take Charge and Change
So, what are tips to take charge and change?
- After the steam stops coming out of your ears, take some deep breaths.
- Walk away if you need to, cry, yell, scream, get the emotion out.
- Then, get to your vulnerability, accept your BS.
- Give yourself a pep talk, you are not a bad person, people make mistakes.
- Own it.
- Repair.
- Move forward and work on changing it.
Thank that Person for Calling You Out on Your BS
Once the dust settles and you are in a more calm head-space, you could thank the person for calling you out on your BS. Without them, you may have never figured it out, your actions and behaviors could continue to hurt others, you may not have had internal growth. Instead of being angry with them or holding on it to, appreciate them and give thanks!
How a Counselor Can Help
If after you go through these tips and it is still eating at you, keeping you up at night, come talk it out. Then, we can dig into your vulnerability to find your inner peace. Being vulnerable is not weak, it is the exact opposite. It takes courage and strength to find it, keep it, and accept it! The first step is to acknowledge your own BS and find out what you want to do with it
About the Author
Katie Bisbee-Peek is the owner of Peek Counseling in Denver. So far, my summer has been filled with family and friends, traveling, getting outside by the pool, camping, hiking, or watching the sunset on a patio. (Because…. summer!) If you need extra support finding your inner peace talk to me to schedule an appointment here. My door is always open and I love helping others find the joy (and eliminate the BS) in their lives. I will meet you where you’re at, so wherever that is, I’m here for you. I hope to see you soon if you think we are a good fit. Thanks for reading! ~ Katie