Codependent relationships: you might not realize until it’s too late. If you are or you have children and they are in the dating stage, pay close attention to their relationships with friends and crushes because sometimes they can find themselves in codependent situations, especially with first loves.
Since our goal as parents and caretakers is to raise independent, strong, and mentally healthy adults, we of course want to avoid this as parents if we can!
I want to give you some information about this problem we have had for a very long time. It isn’t your fault, or anyone’s fault. But let’s try to avoid it the most that we can. For many of us who have been in codependent relationships and have “escaped” them, we know how important this topic is.
What is codependency?
I’m sure you’ve all heard of the word independent. Well, codependency is exactly the opposite. Codependency means that you rely on another person irresponsibly, letting it become an addiction. This affects mental health and causes under-achievement. This also leads to a very unhealthy relationship.
What are the signs and causes?
There are many many signs that let you know when someone is codependent. Those would mainly be:
- Lying/hiding
- Low self-esteem
- The need to be liked and please others
- Anxiety and stress
- Excessive worry
- Non-assertive communication
- Self blame
- Doesn’t want to be alone
- Lack of trust
- Intimacy problems
- Can’t make decisions
- Chronic anger
Now let’s view the cause of why people become codependent.
When a person has weaknesses and struggles, life can be extra difficult in certain situations. Most of the time they deal with this in unhealthy ways, controlling or relying on others to fill those needs, trying to feel better. The other person tries to help that need knowing they don’t have the power to do so and this creates bigger issues. The imbalance of power can cause an unhealthy influence over one another.
Usually it all starts with families. These qualities are found in your home which can be healthy for your kids. I want to help you work on that by being there for your kids. Examples can be the dysfunction of an alcoholic parent, a depressed caretaker, divorce, abuse, or any type of trauma.
How can us parents help our teens avoid codependent relationships?
A few ways that the parents can participate in healing codependency in their children are the following:
- Establish trust
- Maintain healthy boundaries
- Set reasonable rules
- Set realistic expectations
- Encourage your kids to express emotions/ideas/opinions
- Keep the environment nurturing and supportive
- Allow kids to explore and be independent
- Guide and encourage them to find the solution
- Provide positive feedback
- Believe in your kids’ abilities and build their self-esteem
- Don’t tear them down
If you have been trying to do these things and it seems that nothing works, you can always get help. I am here for you and your teens.
About Katie Bisbee-Peek, Owner & Founder of Peek Counseling for Teens in Denver
I am not the expert on anybody’s life. I believe in empowering the people I work with and helping them to find themselves. I have a genuine interest in connecting with people and learning more about them and their family. Finding the right connection when searching for a therapist is the most important thing to do. I believe in creating an environment where it is safe and welcoming for each individual and family. My office is a welcoming place for all people! You can always contact me here.
Further Reading:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/teen-angst/201310/codependency-in-children
https://teentherapyoc.com/codependency-in-teenagers-when-to-end-a-relationship/