Relationships can be hard enough as is. It’s even worse when you’re not even talking. In many relationships changes such as moving away, friends having kids or hard times can lead to long times without communication. As friends and families get on with their lives it can leave us feeling hurt or left out.

 

Seeing the Good in It

While it’s understandable to feel this way, good things can come out of these gaps. First of all, in any relationship it’s important that the people involved can remain individuals. It’s important to develop separate interests and to sometimes have memories and experiences that don’t involve the other. This is important because it means that friends develop separate strengths and weaknesses and can help each other.

In addition to this, time spent away can help small arguments or annoyances to dissipate. When we are separated from our friends and family members we realize how much we appreciate their company, personality, and any quirks they may have. Seeing someone constantly can get tiring and sometimes we become annoyed with little things. Time spent away can allow us to better appreciate the people in our life and to view the relationship from an outsider’s perspective. It is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

So, if you didn’t get an answer back on that text right away, it’s okay, let it breathe.

 

Seeing the Other Side

Going off the second point, being able to see things from an outsider’s perspective also means that if there are any major problems in the relationship that you didn’t notice in the moment you may be able to notice them now. Do you feel that your sense of self worth is better now that a friend of yours has left off speaking to you? Were they putting you down or being condescending?

Time spent away gives you an opportunity to address problems in the relationship and provides an opportunity to discuss these things when you and your friends reunite. And, maybe you will feel more understanding of them with space or maybe you’ll realize you might be better off with even more space.

 

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Being Understanding of Their Life Circumstances

When friends and families are dealing with hard times, sometimes all they need is space. It’s important to be understanding of this and to allow them time to heal. Someone in your life may request some space to simply figure things out for themselves or to develop their own interests. This can cause us to feel hurt or neglected, and that our presence isn’t appreciated. It doesn’t necessarily mean this. Respecting someone’s right to be an individual and their own person demonstrates a great bit of love.

Another reason that relationships might experience gaps in communication is when friends or family members are adjusting to new stages of life. Welcoming a new child, landing a new job or getting married almost always means that people who you could previously talk to and hang out with anywhere, at anytime for any reason are now unable to do so. It’s important to offer support and to realize that all relationships change and grow.

 

Maintaining Relationships

Just because you can’t be with or talk to a former friend as much, doesn’t mean a relationship must slowly die. It’s important to maintain heartfelt communication, no matter how occasional it may be. Writing letters and sending actual printed pictures, for example,  allows you to communicate with someone in a way that’s perfect for when there’s not much time to talk. It allows you to get across only the most important things and gives that person in your life a physical object demonstrating your love and care for them.

 

About the Author

At Peek Counseling, life transitions, relationships, and self-worth are all common themes that we work on because they are very common life themes. Having support and tools to make good decisions can help you through challenging times in life. Katie Bisbee-Peek is a counselor who can relate to life’s struggles and help you to see a light and hope in the situation so you can be happy. If this resonates with you, get in touch!