Oftentimes humans think in black and white, from one extreme to another, meaning that situations, ideas, feelings can only be good or bad, this or that, left or right, or up or down. Sometimes this can stretch into our daily routines and how we think our day went. For example if someone asks, “How was your day?” we find ourselves saying, “It was good/great/fantastic or it was bad/terrible/awful.” And then we choose or not choose to go into why our day was that type of day.

My question is: why do humans do this? One possibility is that it is easier to categorize the feelings, ideas or situations that happened to us and make sense of it, to put it in a nice box of either this or that, black and white thinking.

WHAT ABOUT THE GRAY AREA!?

This wonderful, confusing, perplexing, area that sometimes does not make any sense, challenges us as humans to think a little deeper, and to be ok with being in the gray. To accept this strange area can be unnerving, unsettling, and we may not get an answer. This is not black or white thinking, but being ok with all of the color scales of the gray.

After work, my husband and I ask each other, “How was your day?” When talking with my best friend every day after work, we ask each other, “How was your day?” When I sit and think about my answer, his answer, and her answer they all seem to be about the same. It is usually, my day was, “good, not that great, shitty, or I’m in the weeds or drowning.” And then of course we talk about why it was that way. There are those times when the answer is, “Ugh, ok, fine, could be worse,” that maybe the gray area, however, even this gray area seems to be negative or more on the unpleasant side?

So, to change things up, last week, and while thinking about what I should blog about, I really thought about the day I was having. It was not great, it was not terrible, it was not blah, but it was OK. Dead center of that black and white scale, my feelings were more neutral about my day. Looking at the positive side, nothing bad happened, I did accomplish some of my goals for that day, I was able to get a good workout in with my friend that morning. I believe I helped people that day and did the best I could. There were situations that were out of my control that I let go of. My lunch was pretty good. I didn’t get stuck in traffic. I was able to watch one of my TV shows when I got home, and I was able to relax after work. So, it was an OK day and that was OK!

Now looking back at this and actually writing it out from my perspective, maybe “my OK” is more positive than I was feeling that day. I do believe that the way we think about things can change our feelings and our behaviors. Even if someone is having a terrible day, it can it turn into a positive day…of course! A quote from Instagram that I liked recently was: “We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are.” This is just something to think about.

So, when people ask, “how was your day,” maybe sit, think about it, analyze it if you want, and then come up with an answer. Just maybe, your day was in the gray, maybe your day was just OK and that is OK!

Warmly, Katie

About the Author

Katie Bisbee-Peek is a Denver area therapist who works with individuals seeking to have less anxiety, worry and sadness in their lives and relationships. Katie is also the “Counselor to the Counselor” because as she knows, her industry can involve a lot of mental energy and in order to repair your own, sometimes getting counseling as a counselor yourself is the best thing you can do. Katie strives to bring out the positives in life in her own and with those she meets with.